Love Letters – 6

LOVE LETTERS – 6

(1986)

JULIE VALENTINE

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Country lane 1

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Sweetest Heart,

The words that uttered from your lips when last we were met were like sharpened daggers penetrating my heart. That you should be so far removed across the world, greatly distanced from me and I am rendered incapable of coming to you, to know that I may not feel the warmth of your breath, hold the sweet scent of you in my nostrils tears deep shreds in my soul.

I am not the same person that first you knew. You have touched my life so profoundly that I am become changed, altered in every way, more calm, content in the knowledge that I am somewhat understood, that my innermost thoughts and passions may be shared need not remain safely and securely hidden, buried deeply in my soul.

The brief beautiful period I have known you has caused the small wearisome irritations of the day to become hastily displaced to the shadowed back corners of my mind as I am intent on making every moment most memorable, unforgettable that I may recall sweet remembrances in my golden years not of sweating blood or drudgery but of hours spent in peaceful harmony, of days enhanced by the pleasures of falling in love, in agreeable conversations with friends, good firm, friends who are able to understand fully the vagaries of my moods which swing erratically from the highest heights to the deepest depths without forewarning.

My preference for life without a moment’s rest lies in the belief that so much of my existence prior to this minute has been wasted, thrown away like so much unwanted clutter, debris. I no longer require to sit wailing or in lassitude at my pain as it has all now subsided, all ceased. I am become impulsive, discontent if I am enforced to sit alone with my thoughts.

My eyes have been prized open by you, you have drawn back the blinds and I can now see that far more exists than I could ever suspect. The joys of nature, the exquisite beauty of the living world around, the sweet velvet sound of music in my ears, which had become stopped in the unendurable monotony of my daily grind, the taste of good mature, fragrant wines and distinctive flavours and aromas of fine herbs and foods. All these were hitherto unknown to me but I now drink in all these pleasures passionately.

As I begin to gather and maintain round me a circle of like thinking friends who are willing, anxious to include me in their pleasures of life, I am as a child, learning and growing as each pleasurable experience enfolds before me. You have lifted me out of obscurity. I begrudge every waking second that need be spent in the trivial pursuit of living.

The tranquil moments spent with you are most dear to my heart. I have perceived your amazement and joy that I should be capable of a grand passion, of such sentiments and feelings and it is my intention to hold you in suspense of the whole of me until such time as I am certain you are not indifferent to me. I am assured of your astonishment of the depth of me and do not wish to compromise myself for fear of your disappointment in me.

You are ingenious at hiding your true self from my vision. I yearn to have knowledge of your early life, your opinions that we may have debates, discussions, to learn your frustrations and concerns, your desires and rages that I may contribute to your destiny, augment your existence in some small way as you do mine.

I am resigned to possessing only a minute part of you but am irritated that I may not share the whole or at least a larger part. I observe that you studiously reveal only morsels of your life, your desires, your feelings but the chinks in the armour you have erected around you occasionally emit flickers of daylight to illuminate those parts of your soul and let through a draft which blows back the curtain to your mind. I pray you do not believe me incapable of understanding.

The small portion of you I can possess only contributes to my happiness and contentment and I worship you gloriously, exclusively.

X X X

~~~   ~~~   ~~~

Go to Love Letter 7 – https://julievparsons.wordpress.com/love-letters/love-letters-7/

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